I survived first contact
Apr. 15th, 2014 12:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silentwatersI survived first contact with the Ex-Wife.
It was weird: she contacted me over Facebook to offer me an earthworm farm. Politely.
"Hi [Silentwaters],
I'm purging my house, [Mr. Man] said you might be interested in a worm composting system. Let me know and I'll set it aside for you. It's been in a storage shed for years, but I think it only needs a good washing. I hope all is well with you."
To which I replied,
"Hi [Ex-Wife], thanks so much for the offer; sure, if you don't think you'll use it, I'd be happy to clean it up and try it out. My mom and I used to do a lot of organic gardening, and earthworms are really beneficial. I'm getting ready to replant my backyard so it might come in handy! Thanks again. :) And I hope all is well with you and the girls, too."
(No need to be bitchy, right?)
to which she replied,
"We're doing very well, thanks!
I'll put the composter aside for you when I dig into the storage shed. I'll get to it as soon as I can. I hope they fare better with you than with me… Lol"
… o_O
…o-…kay…
Well, so she seems nice enough so far.
I have no doubt she was feeling me out but… if we're gonna play nice I'm down with that. I see no reason to be unkind, divorce is difficult enough all around and I have no wish to cause her any extra pain, and if I could somehow magically fix the situation so that Mr. Man and his daughters didn't ache with the loss of each other, I would. His 3 year old daughter told him last time he visited her that she cries a lot when he is gone, and sometimes at night too. It breaks my fucking heart, man. When hear Mr. Man talk about it, I know it breaks his heart too. He misses those kids so bad. I wish there was something I could do to heal it. And...I sometimes feel sort of guilty that I get to be in his arms every night and they don't… but then I remember it's not about me at all, leaving was his choice; he would still have left her whether I even existed or not, but… I do exist, also, and my life is… worth something, isn't it? And the tides brought us together and… she didn't want him anymore, and basically cast him away, but to me, he's been such a blessing, and I love him freely… I realized I loved him even if he chose to go back to her, and if it came to that, I would let him go, out of that love, even if it cut me deep. (not saying I wouldn't argue with him a bit to make sure it wasn't just a passing whim, but… I don't stand in the way of people pursuing their destiny with conviction, and if he'd decided that staying with her for the sake of the girls was the right thing for him to do, I would have no choice but to support him.)
But he has stayed here with me, and his presence in my life has been healing, and I know I've been good for his sanity, and he has no desire to go back to his ex, because by all accounts they were just making each other miserable and they both seem more at-peace now that they're separated.
So at-peace that she's "purging her house" and offering me a worm farm, lol.
so… okay, that's where we're at for now. If we stay on this surface level of cordial behavior I think it could be a very workable dynamic.
It was weird: she contacted me over Facebook to offer me an earthworm farm. Politely.
"Hi [Silentwaters],
I'm purging my house, [Mr. Man] said you might be interested in a worm composting system. Let me know and I'll set it aside for you. It's been in a storage shed for years, but I think it only needs a good washing. I hope all is well with you."
To which I replied,
"Hi [Ex-Wife], thanks so much for the offer; sure, if you don't think you'll use it, I'd be happy to clean it up and try it out. My mom and I used to do a lot of organic gardening, and earthworms are really beneficial. I'm getting ready to replant my backyard so it might come in handy! Thanks again. :) And I hope all is well with you and the girls, too."
(No need to be bitchy, right?)
to which she replied,
"We're doing very well, thanks!
I'll put the composter aside for you when I dig into the storage shed. I'll get to it as soon as I can. I hope they fare better with you than with me… Lol"
… o_O
…o-…kay…
Well, so she seems nice enough so far.
I have no doubt she was feeling me out but… if we're gonna play nice I'm down with that. I see no reason to be unkind, divorce is difficult enough all around and I have no wish to cause her any extra pain, and if I could somehow magically fix the situation so that Mr. Man and his daughters didn't ache with the loss of each other, I would. His 3 year old daughter told him last time he visited her that she cries a lot when he is gone, and sometimes at night too. It breaks my fucking heart, man. When hear Mr. Man talk about it, I know it breaks his heart too. He misses those kids so bad. I wish there was something I could do to heal it. And...I sometimes feel sort of guilty that I get to be in his arms every night and they don't… but then I remember it's not about me at all, leaving was his choice; he would still have left her whether I even existed or not, but… I do exist, also, and my life is… worth something, isn't it? And the tides brought us together and… she didn't want him anymore, and basically cast him away, but to me, he's been such a blessing, and I love him freely… I realized I loved him even if he chose to go back to her, and if it came to that, I would let him go, out of that love, even if it cut me deep. (not saying I wouldn't argue with him a bit to make sure it wasn't just a passing whim, but… I don't stand in the way of people pursuing their destiny with conviction, and if he'd decided that staying with her for the sake of the girls was the right thing for him to do, I would have no choice but to support him.)
But he has stayed here with me, and his presence in my life has been healing, and I know I've been good for his sanity, and he has no desire to go back to his ex, because by all accounts they were just making each other miserable and they both seem more at-peace now that they're separated.
So at-peace that she's "purging her house" and offering me a worm farm, lol.
so… okay, that's where we're at for now. If we stay on this surface level of cordial behavior I think it could be a very workable dynamic.
