give and you shall receive
Jan. 27th, 2014 06:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silentwatersI'll preface this by saying, Mr. Man & I have been trading off being sick all month, and we've only been well enough to get it on like, 3 or 4 times since New Years. This isn't because we don't desire each other but neither of us has felt well. We both mutually kicked off the year with a UTI, which then on my part turned into a kidney infection, but he fought his off quickly, and then because of my compromised immune system I got the flu, and then Mr. Man got the flu from me, but he held off till just after I started feeling better (I missed a week and a half of work), then he fell real sick for a couple of days, and then he started to get better but his kids got sick with some sort of nasal/sinus infection cold thing, which he then caught after visiting them. At first we thought it was the other way around- maybe they caught the flu I had, passed on through him, and I felt really terrible about it, but I never had the sinus congestion/headcold thing he did, and that's what the kids had. :( So, this year has started off with… not much of a bang, really.
And it's funny, you still get horny when you're sick but you can't do much about it. Or you'd prefer to take care of it on your own, since you're kind of jonesing for release, but you don't you don't wanna be an asshole and share the sickness, and even if you're both sick and don't mind that, you're too tired to really do the work of real sex. Well, I'm sure there was a lot of time when I was not feeling well that he was horny, because I've felt the same while he's been sick and his sex drive is at least as high as mine. But he's been super sweet about it, and must have been taking care of it privately. I noticed he had "insomnia" a couple of times after we went to bed, and would get up and go downstairs where his laptop is, and not come back to bed till almost 5 or 6 in the morning (we go to bed late anyway, usually between 2-4am). But the first time I noticed this, I legitimately woke up and was thirsty so I had to go downstairs for water. He was in the bathroom with the door closed, and my intention was not to bother him, it was to get a drink, which I did. But I couldn't help but sneak a quick look at his laptop screen before heading back upstairs.
It was music software, not porn at all. LOL!
(even if it had been porn I would not have been mad at all, just curious to see what kind he likes, but hey, far be it from me to get in the way of an artist or musician's Muse in the middle of the night. I just thought it was funny that he really is that genuine of a music nerd, made me love him even more)
I just nodded and went back upstairs.
The second time it happened, we both were feeling "okay" but within a day or two of being really "well". I fell asleep on his chest, feeling so happy to be with him, and silently lamenting to myself that we probably weren't quite well enough for sex yet; I felt latent desire for him, but I was thinking, "man, in a day or two we'll both be really healthy again and I'm gonna jump his bones so hard… but for now this is really sweet just to be able to fall asleep in his arms."
So I snuggled close into him, and he held me and we fell asleep.
Sometime in the night, he woke up and was restless, and he climbed out of bed.
But as he did so, he first squeezed me up close to him in a hug and kissed my head really gently. Then he quietly crept out of bed and I felt him put his hands on my calves and feet, pressing gently over the covers like a massage therapist kind of does, as if to make sure I was warm and comfy, or to reassure himself I was asleep. Then he went downstairs.
I was barely conscious when this happened; but it woke me up juuuust enough to be aware that it was maybe not a dream. I tried to go back to sleep, but it woke me just enough that I also became aware that I needed to pee. So I laid there for a while, struggling between my desire to wake up and go to the bathroom, or get sucked back down to sleep.
But I couldn't let sleep take me, something was wrong, something was missing. The bed was empty. In my sleepy subconscious this was not the way it was supposed to be; I felt a sense of loss that eventually made me restless enough that I did wake up. I went to the bathroom and then groggily considered what to do. Go down and say hi and let him know I knew he was gone? See if he was okay? Ask him to come back? Or…
No, none of these things. The sleepy memory of how gently and lovingly he left me, with a hug and a kiss, came back to me. I thought, poor guy, he's not feeling well, it's been a couple of weeks with no sex, he's likely got insomnia on top of it, and it didn't seem like he was "abandoning" me, just… he probably needs some time to himself. I trust him, I don't need to own him, he's a grown-up and can do what he wants/needs to do and not feel like a criminal in this house because of it.
So I went back to bed, and decided to pray and bless him instead before falling asleep.
And I prayed that God would bless him with a peace in his mind and heart that would let him rest, and I suddenly had a perverse thought that made me smile with mischief - I prayed also that if he was masturbating, that it would be an AMAZING, mind-blowing orgasm and that his pleasure would be ridiculously intense. I wondered if it was wicked to pray to God over things like that, but I feel like Mr. Man's been a blessing in my life and I believe sex is a beautiful thing created by God, and it's not like God doesn't know about our sexual lives. I genuinely asked out of sincere feelings of love for Mr. Man, a desire for all good things to come his way, and since I couldn't be there for him, why not send him a sort of… astral lover-gram? If such a thing is possible? With all my heart I freely blessed him and sent him waves of love and pleasure. And then in that peaceful state of mind, I started falling asleep.
However, not even 5 minutes later, Mr. Man suddenly came back upstairs and got into bed with me.
And he snuggled me gently as before, and because I was still semi-awake, I snuggled back with him. At which point he realized I was a little bit un-asleep, and he apologized for waking me. I made noises of the "I don't mind" variety and curled up to him. And he started massaging me and petting me very amorously, and pretty soon… uhm, we were awake, and getting busy. :D I guess we were healthy enough for sex earlier than I thought. And wow, it was… really, really lovely. All that pleasure I wished on him just came right back to me, powerfully, instantly, without us having verbally talked about it.
It was an amazing experience.
So next time you feel jealous or lonely I highly recommend letting it go, and blessing the person instead. It could be create more of a win-win situation than you expect.
And it's funny, you still get horny when you're sick but you can't do much about it. Or you'd prefer to take care of it on your own, since you're kind of jonesing for release, but you don't you don't wanna be an asshole and share the sickness, and even if you're both sick and don't mind that, you're too tired to really do the work of real sex. Well, I'm sure there was a lot of time when I was not feeling well that he was horny, because I've felt the same while he's been sick and his sex drive is at least as high as mine. But he's been super sweet about it, and must have been taking care of it privately. I noticed he had "insomnia" a couple of times after we went to bed, and would get up and go downstairs where his laptop is, and not come back to bed till almost 5 or 6 in the morning (we go to bed late anyway, usually between 2-4am). But the first time I noticed this, I legitimately woke up and was thirsty so I had to go downstairs for water. He was in the bathroom with the door closed, and my intention was not to bother him, it was to get a drink, which I did. But I couldn't help but sneak a quick look at his laptop screen before heading back upstairs.
It was music software, not porn at all. LOL!
(even if it had been porn I would not have been mad at all, just curious to see what kind he likes, but hey, far be it from me to get in the way of an artist or musician's Muse in the middle of the night. I just thought it was funny that he really is that genuine of a music nerd, made me love him even more)
I just nodded and went back upstairs.
The second time it happened, we both were feeling "okay" but within a day or two of being really "well". I fell asleep on his chest, feeling so happy to be with him, and silently lamenting to myself that we probably weren't quite well enough for sex yet; I felt latent desire for him, but I was thinking, "man, in a day or two we'll both be really healthy again and I'm gonna jump his bones so hard… but for now this is really sweet just to be able to fall asleep in his arms."
So I snuggled close into him, and he held me and we fell asleep.
Sometime in the night, he woke up and was restless, and he climbed out of bed.
But as he did so, he first squeezed me up close to him in a hug and kissed my head really gently. Then he quietly crept out of bed and I felt him put his hands on my calves and feet, pressing gently over the covers like a massage therapist kind of does, as if to make sure I was warm and comfy, or to reassure himself I was asleep. Then he went downstairs.
I was barely conscious when this happened; but it woke me up juuuust enough to be aware that it was maybe not a dream. I tried to go back to sleep, but it woke me just enough that I also became aware that I needed to pee. So I laid there for a while, struggling between my desire to wake up and go to the bathroom, or get sucked back down to sleep.
But I couldn't let sleep take me, something was wrong, something was missing. The bed was empty. In my sleepy subconscious this was not the way it was supposed to be; I felt a sense of loss that eventually made me restless enough that I did wake up. I went to the bathroom and then groggily considered what to do. Go down and say hi and let him know I knew he was gone? See if he was okay? Ask him to come back? Or…
No, none of these things. The sleepy memory of how gently and lovingly he left me, with a hug and a kiss, came back to me. I thought, poor guy, he's not feeling well, it's been a couple of weeks with no sex, he's likely got insomnia on top of it, and it didn't seem like he was "abandoning" me, just… he probably needs some time to himself. I trust him, I don't need to own him, he's a grown-up and can do what he wants/needs to do and not feel like a criminal in this house because of it.
So I went back to bed, and decided to pray and bless him instead before falling asleep.
And I prayed that God would bless him with a peace in his mind and heart that would let him rest, and I suddenly had a perverse thought that made me smile with mischief - I prayed also that if he was masturbating, that it would be an AMAZING, mind-blowing orgasm and that his pleasure would be ridiculously intense. I wondered if it was wicked to pray to God over things like that, but I feel like Mr. Man's been a blessing in my life and I believe sex is a beautiful thing created by God, and it's not like God doesn't know about our sexual lives. I genuinely asked out of sincere feelings of love for Mr. Man, a desire for all good things to come his way, and since I couldn't be there for him, why not send him a sort of… astral lover-gram? If such a thing is possible? With all my heart I freely blessed him and sent him waves of love and pleasure. And then in that peaceful state of mind, I started falling asleep.
However, not even 5 minutes later, Mr. Man suddenly came back upstairs and got into bed with me.
And he snuggled me gently as before, and because I was still semi-awake, I snuggled back with him. At which point he realized I was a little bit un-asleep, and he apologized for waking me. I made noises of the "I don't mind" variety and curled up to him. And he started massaging me and petting me very amorously, and pretty soon… uhm, we were awake, and getting busy. :D I guess we were healthy enough for sex earlier than I thought. And wow, it was… really, really lovely. All that pleasure I wished on him just came right back to me, powerfully, instantly, without us having verbally talked about it.
It was an amazing experience.
So next time you feel jealous or lonely I highly recommend letting it go, and blessing the person instead. It could be create more of a win-win situation than you expect.
