(no subject)
Apr. 16th, 2007 02:04 amGod, all I want right now is a thick, hard cock sliding deep inside me....I don't know why I'm so horny right now, but I am. I'm so... it's been so... long and... I don't even know how I survive sometimes. It's not like I can't find it. I just don't want what I'm finding. And what I want is far away, as always. But this is different... I'm in a predatory mood... I almost just want to go out hunting, catch some prey, use them... and then never speak to them again.
I rarely have this kind of desire, for raw fucking with no strings attached. I think it might be because I've gone without long enough that I'm starting not to care where it comes from, and subconciously my id is starting to consider alternate forms of satisfying itself. But as much of a brazen slut as I must come across in this journal (which is why I refuse to friend almost anyone on here, even though I have tons of "friends" on my "real" journal), in action, in physical life, I'm a very "good" girl.
I flirt, but I do have a line. I've never actually slept with someone casually, just for the hell of it. God only knows why, since I obviously love sex so much.
Only three men have ever touched me intimately, and one of them doesn't count because he was a buddhist monk and he was basically resetting my entire body and not trying to get off himself, as far as I could tell. We didn't have sex.
And with the other two, I've been convinced I was gonna marry each one of them someday (still with the second one). So I felt it was "okay" to have sex with them, because I felt we were seriously committed to each other.
Which... is why this hot, sorely underutilized pussy is sitting over here on the shelf, going to waste. My inner whore is ready to go, but my outer filters are just way too conservative.
But it's becoming less so. I'm starting to want less committment, and more cock. Well, okay, not starting, since it's been that way for a while. I almost don't care who it is, at this point. Hence the predatory feeling.
Except, I do care. Goddammit.
The more I think about it the less I can sleep. It hasn't been this bad in a while. I've been having sexual dreams almost every night, and they're with random people I've just met, or totally made up dream people, or just... I mean, it's weird. I have always had the occasional sex dream here and there, but lately it's been like, a few times a week, or almost every night.
Which is awkard because I'm like, waking up all disoriented and having to deal with the fact that I've just had sexual dreams about people I had no idea my subconscious felt that way about. And consciously, I'm not attracted at all. Then I wonder if the dream sex is an actual admission of subconscious attraction or just an expression of my sexual frustration. Or, possibly, the sex could be a metaphor for something else, like the fact that I'm making a bunch of new friends lately and sharing the love and creating a sense of community with them, like, instant and unexpected intimacy (in a platonic way in real life) could be symbolized by sex in a dream.
Any of these explanations are possible, I guess- maybe even all of them are true to a certain extent.
But really? I think I just need a good, hard fucking. I just... I just wanna feel his cock head slamming my cervix like a goddamn pile driver, and I want to feel that shock and euphoric pleasure/pain/pleasure and I want to feel him grip me hard and grind his pelvis into my mound and groan and shudder and cum inside me and feel the moist, rushing heat...and..just...grrr.
*sigh*
Gah!
so....uhm, time for bed. yeah. Got work in the morning. No help for it.
*deep breath*
It is merely a mating urge brought on by thousands of years of evolution promulgating the survival of the species with the cyclical flooding of unfortunate hormones, and you, dear girl, are in no situation to procreate. It *will* pass.
Now go to sleep, you stupid, pathetic, ridiculous human.
I rarely have this kind of desire, for raw fucking with no strings attached. I think it might be because I've gone without long enough that I'm starting not to care where it comes from, and subconciously my id is starting to consider alternate forms of satisfying itself. But as much of a brazen slut as I must come across in this journal (which is why I refuse to friend almost anyone on here, even though I have tons of "friends" on my "real" journal), in action, in physical life, I'm a very "good" girl.
I flirt, but I do have a line. I've never actually slept with someone casually, just for the hell of it. God only knows why, since I obviously love sex so much.
Only three men have ever touched me intimately, and one of them doesn't count because he was a buddhist monk and he was basically resetting my entire body and not trying to get off himself, as far as I could tell. We didn't have sex.
And with the other two, I've been convinced I was gonna marry each one of them someday (still with the second one). So I felt it was "okay" to have sex with them, because I felt we were seriously committed to each other.
Which... is why this hot, sorely underutilized pussy is sitting over here on the shelf, going to waste. My inner whore is ready to go, but my outer filters are just way too conservative.
But it's becoming less so. I'm starting to want less committment, and more cock. Well, okay, not starting, since it's been that way for a while. I almost don't care who it is, at this point. Hence the predatory feeling.
Except, I do care. Goddammit.
The more I think about it the less I can sleep. It hasn't been this bad in a while. I've been having sexual dreams almost every night, and they're with random people I've just met, or totally made up dream people, or just... I mean, it's weird. I have always had the occasional sex dream here and there, but lately it's been like, a few times a week, or almost every night.
Which is awkard because I'm like, waking up all disoriented and having to deal with the fact that I've just had sexual dreams about people I had no idea my subconscious felt that way about. And consciously, I'm not attracted at all. Then I wonder if the dream sex is an actual admission of subconscious attraction or just an expression of my sexual frustration. Or, possibly, the sex could be a metaphor for something else, like the fact that I'm making a bunch of new friends lately and sharing the love and creating a sense of community with them, like, instant and unexpected intimacy (in a platonic way in real life) could be symbolized by sex in a dream.
Any of these explanations are possible, I guess- maybe even all of them are true to a certain extent.
But really? I think I just need a good, hard fucking. I just... I just wanna feel his cock head slamming my cervix like a goddamn pile driver, and I want to feel that shock and euphoric pleasure/pain/pleasure and I want to feel him grip me hard and grind his pelvis into my mound and groan and shudder and cum inside me and feel the moist, rushing heat...and..just...grrr.
*sigh*
Gah!
so....uhm, time for bed. yeah. Got work in the morning. No help for it.
*deep breath*
It is merely a mating urge brought on by thousands of years of evolution promulgating the survival of the species with the cyclical flooding of unfortunate hormones, and you, dear girl, are in no situation to procreate. It *will* pass.
Now go to sleep, you stupid, pathetic, ridiculous human.