(no subject)

God, all I want right now is a thick, hard cock sliding deep inside me....I don't know why I'm so horny right now, but I am. I'm so... it's been so... long and... I don't even know how I survive sometimes. It's not like I can't find it. I just don't want what I'm finding. And what I want is far away, as always. But this is different... I'm in a predatory mood... I almost just want to go out hunting, catch some prey, use them... and then never speak to them again.
I rarely have this kind of desire, for raw fucking with no strings attached. I think it might be because I've gone without long enough that I'm starting not to care where it comes from, and subconciously my id is starting to consider alternate forms of satisfying itself. But as much of a brazen slut as I must come across in this journal (which is why I refuse to friend almost anyone on here, even though I have tons of "friends" on my "real" journal), in action, in physical life, I'm a very "good" girl.
I flirt, but I do have a line. I've never actually slept with someone casually, just for the hell of it. God only knows why, since I obviously love sex so much.
Only three men have ever touched me intimately, and one of them doesn't count because he was a buddhist monk and he was basically resetting my entire body and not trying to get off himself, as far as I could tell. We didn't have sex.
And with the other two, I've been convinced I was gonna marry each one of them someday (still with the second one). So I felt it was "okay" to have sex with them, because I felt we were seriously committed to each other.
Which... is why this hot, sorely underutilized pussy is sitting over here on the shelf, going to waste. My inner whore is ready to go, but my outer filters are just way too conservative.
But it's becoming less so. I'm starting to want less committment, and more cock. Well, okay, not starting, since it's been that way for a while. I almost don't care who it is, at this point. Hence the predatory feeling.
Except, I do care. Goddammit.

The more I think about it the less I can sleep. It hasn't been this bad in a while. I've been having sexual dreams almost every night, and they're with random people I've just met, or totally made up dream people, or just... I mean, it's weird. I have always had the occasional sex dream here and there, but lately it's been like, a few times a week, or almost every night.
Which is awkard because I'm like, waking up all disoriented and having to deal with the fact that I've just had sexual dreams about people I had no idea my subconscious felt that way about. And consciously, I'm not attracted at all. Then I wonder if the dream sex is an actual admission of subconscious attraction or just an expression of my sexual frustration. Or, possibly, the sex could be a metaphor for something else, like the fact that I'm making a bunch of new friends lately and sharing the love and creating a sense of community with them, like, instant and unexpected intimacy (in a platonic way in real life) could be symbolized by sex in a dream.
Any of these explanations are possible, I guess- maybe even all of them are true to a certain extent.
But really? I think I just need a good, hard fucking. I just... I just wanna feel his cock head slamming my cervix like a goddamn pile driver, and I want to feel that shock and euphoric pleasure/pain/pleasure and I want to feel him grip me hard and grind his pelvis into my mound and groan and shudder and cum inside me and feel the moist, rushing heat...and..just...grrr.

*sigh*
Gah!
so....uhm, time for bed. yeah. Got work in the morning. No help for it.

*deep breath*
It is merely a mating urge brought on by thousands of years of evolution promulgating the survival of the species with the cyclical flooding of unfortunate hormones, and you, dear girl, are in no situation to procreate. It *will* pass.
Now go to sleep, you stupid, pathetic, ridiculous human.

I am a bad, bad person

but you love me anyway.

I am about to conduct a wicked social experiment.
I'm going to post blatant sexual ads on craigslist, and see what comes back. But not just any blatant sexual ads- I'm going to spend a certain amount of time on each category- w4m, m4w, w4w, m4m, t4m/w, and m/w4t. I'm going to write ads from every different perspective (I should qualify- legal perspectives), like, say today I'm a BBW, tomorrow I'm a twink, the next day I'm a tranny in need of some real love, the next I'm a Daddy who needs a good spanking, or whatever.
I'll pretend I'm that thing, and see what responses come back- and especially, I'll be looking for people who respond twice or three times with the same email address to different types of lover or different (even conflicting?) fetishes. I might even want to post the "best in category" responses I get in this space. Anonymously, of course. I would never rat out these people in real life (unless I just find out they are sick, sick bastards about to commit unspeakable crimes).

I guess you could say this is nothing but masterbatory theater for me, but whoever decides to respond, in whatever manner they decide to respond- it's their choice to respond, and I think it will be truly interesting. This idea came about because I was surfing craigslist the other night, and I clicked on "Strictly platonic", only to find that most people don't even know the meaning of the word "platonic". There were all kinds of thinly veiled attempts at romantic and sexual overtones. One dude even put a photo of his well-endowed manhood up there. I flagged it down, not because it wasn't a good-looking cock, but because I was so tired of dumbasses who were obviously posting in the wrong category.
I thought, if they'll get this blatant in a supposedly innocent forum, I wonder how much crazier they'll get in the forums for direct sexual requests?

Pretty crazy, it turns out. There was a gay gay who just wanted free daily blowjobs, ball massaging and rimming, with "no reciprocation, ever." strangely, he didn't use any language to indicate a Dom/sub relationship, though. The tone was just like, 'I'm a plain vanilla gay guy who wants my cock sucked every day, and I never want to give back to you. Just do it.'
I was like, huh, yeah, buddy, and I want a million dollars in a paper sack, but hey, we all got wants. Asshole. I'm not even gay, and I just felt sorry for whatever poor responding twink will never get the reach-around.

People have absolutely no shame - and no fear, apparently, either. It's one thing to be a horny, lonely woman. It's another thing altogether to use the double-blindness of the internet to invite complete strangers to fill your wet and empty holes.
I mean- you have no idea who you'd be inviting--
But the thing that made me the MOST curious was, who are the people who respond? At least if you're the poster, you have some control over the situation.
If you're the respondent, though- I mean, shit, you could be walking into a sketchy porn film, unwanted drug addiction, date rape or snuff film trap and not know it.
It's what is in the mind of the respondent that intrigues me- what drives people to say, YES, I don't know who you are, and you could be a cannabalistic pediophilic serial killer, but please use me for sex!

?!?
I mean, do people just not think about these things?

I'm sort of guessing they don't.
Which is why I have the burning desire to bait them mercilessly like the gullible marks they are, so I can pick their brains a little.
(what! I'll do it... nicely... they most likely will be unaware that they've just been "secret shopped".)
Evil? Err...probably. Maybe even a little creepy? yeah, I guess. But it's not like I have the power, or even the actual desire, to really fuck with their lives in any significant way.
I just want to do a little innocent trolling.
See, it's... like hunting, except without the sticky situation of needing to take home the prey I've caught (or leave them for nightclub roadkill).
I think it'll be fun, mildly wicked, but mostly pretty harmless.


So, yeah. Masterbatory theater at worst, interesting social experiment at best. I'm obviously overthinking this, because sex is just a primal urge- I mean, who can ever definitively untangle the random threads of motivation that ultimately turn us on? I guess the truth is, we're all just hard-wired to be turned on by something-- Mother Nature saw to that so we wouldn't die out in the first five minutes of creation.
But I want to see what that "something" is. Is that so bad?
Awwh, fuck it. I'm not gonna defend it. I don't have to. I'm doing this basically... because I can. Because society has presented me this forum, and I intend to make use of it.

So there. :P


Besides...

... you know you want to read my "best in category" response posts. Bitch. Don't even try to deny it. Just watch this space.