(no subject)
Apr. 24th, 2012 04:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silentwatersI feel so good today.
I just... I haven't felt this way in a long time. I know I'm not high anymore but I still feel...kinda... up and calm/relaxed. Mild euphoria. I woke up with sciatic pain (I usually live with sciatic pain and ignore it but I noticed on waking up this morning because uh, it was totally banished last night, and I had a few blissfully pain-free hours LOL) but the pain was mild, and now that I'm up and moving around it's gone away and my spine and brain are kinda floaty feeling.
It's ...something else.
If I was reading this journal as a stranger, I might be concerned about me right now. But I kinda feel like, I've gone so long without anything to chill me out, anything that relaxes me and makes me feel genuinely nicer/able to put up with people's bullshit is probably a good thing.
It's worth noting that I haven't smoked any regular cigarettes today even though I've been awake for hours. Just haven't needed or craved it. No headache, no irritability.
I'm admittedly a n00b about this because I've stubbornly kept my nose out of it most of my life, so I don't know anything about buying or selling or anything like that, and I don't know how else stoners might reciprocate for sharing their stash, but... I'm totally baking this Russian some cookies as a thank-you present. This is really the first smoke that ever...worked? For some values of "work"? I don't know. It's also worth noting that I've always joked that my brain already works like I'm high most of the time, which is why I don't need to do drugs. But now that I've really no-kidding been high... I see I was closer to the truth there than I thought. Everything about my brain wasn't... changed, it was just like... MORE. I already love music, but I loved it even MORE. More to the point that it made me sick when my normally-mild synaesthesia became exaggerated and I FELT the music and the lights and the beats as visceral things, it just became too intense to enjoy, kind of like eating too much delicious candy, but I wonder- if I had drank water instead of alcohol, would I have tolerated it better? Would the ride have been smoother? Also, I already daydream with vividly imagined imagery and I have unexplained spiritual feelings of connectedness of all things, but last night I just daydreamed more intensely, and felt MORE connected. I am already friendly, but last night I just felt like EVERYONE wanted to be my friend. It was kind of funny.
I just... I haven't felt this way in a long time. I know I'm not high anymore but I still feel...kinda... up and calm/relaxed. Mild euphoria. I woke up with sciatic pain (I usually live with sciatic pain and ignore it but I noticed on waking up this morning because uh, it was totally banished last night, and I had a few blissfully pain-free hours LOL) but the pain was mild, and now that I'm up and moving around it's gone away and my spine and brain are kinda floaty feeling.
It's ...something else.
If I was reading this journal as a stranger, I might be concerned about me right now. But I kinda feel like, I've gone so long without anything to chill me out, anything that relaxes me and makes me feel genuinely nicer/able to put up with people's bullshit is probably a good thing.
It's worth noting that I haven't smoked any regular cigarettes today even though I've been awake for hours. Just haven't needed or craved it. No headache, no irritability.
I'm admittedly a n00b about this because I've stubbornly kept my nose out of it most of my life, so I don't know anything about buying or selling or anything like that, and I don't know how else stoners might reciprocate for sharing their stash, but... I'm totally baking this Russian some cookies as a thank-you present. This is really the first smoke that ever...worked? For some values of "work"? I don't know. It's also worth noting that I've always joked that my brain already works like I'm high most of the time, which is why I don't need to do drugs. But now that I've really no-kidding been high... I see I was closer to the truth there than I thought. Everything about my brain wasn't... changed, it was just like... MORE. I already love music, but I loved it even MORE. More to the point that it made me sick when my normally-mild synaesthesia became exaggerated and I FELT the music and the lights and the beats as visceral things, it just became too intense to enjoy, kind of like eating too much delicious candy, but I wonder- if I had drank water instead of alcohol, would I have tolerated it better? Would the ride have been smoother? Also, I already daydream with vividly imagined imagery and I have unexplained spiritual feelings of connectedness of all things, but last night I just daydreamed more intensely, and felt MORE connected. I am already friendly, but last night I just felt like EVERYONE wanted to be my friend. It was kind of funny.
