GOOD GOD

I am *SO* sick of spoon-feeding my client.

Oct. 11th: he gets a letter of interest from a networking contact, introducing him to two Big Fish that could potentially land him his first pro gig

Oct. 13th: writes me to tell me he's looking for "direction" on how to proceed with answering them. I volley back with an EXTENSIVE email template, complete with additional links to writing tips

Oct. 17th: he sends me the first paragraph of the email to ask what I think
Oct.17th: I tell him it's a GREAT start, and remind him I'll be out of town this weekend (for the umpteenth time) for a family funeral in a rural area.
Oct. 17th: he messages me back to make sure I'll be around and available this weekend anyway "as a sounding board", right?
Oct.17th: I message him back that NO, I Will in fact, NOT be available, as in, what part of rural (shitty cell service) and funeral (aka, serious family time, inappropriate self-focus is rude) did you not understand? Told him we could meet Monday.
Oct.17th: replies with a curt "oh, that's cool, give my regards to [your fam]."


Oct. 20th: I go over to his house where he shows me the rough draft he wrote but STILL hasn't sent, and wants my editing skills on it before he sends it out. Proceeds to be a total Eeyore in a pity-party about how running a business is just all "too much" and "too hard" and he's "tired of networking" (after 1 whole month of concerted effort to go out and shake hands and kiss babies since breaking the company onto the scene. Like, a WHOLE MONTH, YOU GUIYSSZ. I mean… Fuck, Bizniss, Why U No Sales?) and he's "just not a social creature" and this is all "too hard" (like omg you mean I have to start a Twitter account… AND actually use it?) and he really just "needs a partner" (side-eyeing me) "who can do all this stuff" (read: want someone to handle every aspect of my business I find unlikeable and stressful while I just get to sit down to the cherry tasks every day and get paid) and "sometimes I just want to be told what to do" (read: I just thought I could get paid for the fun part, the rest of being a small business owner is like, totally hard, yo!") and that he gets "really demotivated" when he feels like he's putting in "all this effort" and not getting any "reward feedback".

Wait-wait- hang on, BRB, I'm running to Office Depot to get you a sheet of gold star stickers.
Oh- oh- okay I'm back now.
*sticks gold star sticker to the rim of the computer screen*
Reward Feedback achieved. You may proceed with the pity party, sir.



Meanwhile he's telling me he just can't afford me anymore (wasn't paying me more than minWage in the first place, after taxes) and is cutting me down to half-pay next month, which is going to finally necessitate me getting a day job, any day job, McDonald's or Starbucks will do. Meanwhile he's telling me he might have to pick up some "shitty" DJ jobs for only like $200-$400 a gig or something to get by. *eyeroll*
And it isn't a question of the quality of my work. He loves my work. He just really didn't think this through when starting a company, and literally is running out of money before he's made his first sale. Today he FINALLY asked if I could look into venture capital for him.
After I've been in his ear about it since he hired me 4 months ago.
But he still wishes I was available full time.
It's so nice to want things, isn't it?

I seriously can't even, with his attitude today. He's losing me, and he knows it, and he's miserable and lashing out with passive aggression or something, I guess. I mean I've never seen him this morose or mopey. And like I don't know what to say when he says shit like, "just because *I'M* burned out and taking a break doesn't mean I want you to follow suit, I mean I still want YOU to work and do stuff…"
What? Do you even hear yourself, bro?

Oh sweetheart. I'm so sorry you're stressed.
Here, take my company to run too while you're at it.
Oh, what's that? You don't think you can handle starting up two companies at once?
THEN WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL ARE YOU GIVING ME SIDE-EYE FOR, YOU SPOILED GIT? Either go find your balls and run your gorram company, or find the money to keep me so I can run your company. And I want 50% of it. I'll be your partner and I'll even tell you what to do.
hahahaha, I wish. But I have no savings. I can't get by on "sweat equity". I'm 2 months behind on rent with a fucking SAINTLY landlord.

Newsflash: if you think cutting my pay is somehow "motivational" you're kidding yourself. You hired me as a WEB DESIGNER, not a one person sales team. You just lucked out that I'm ivy-league educated, industry-experienced, and eccentric enough to take your floundering ass on.

I'm certainly not motivated to stay on and sell-sell-sell for you by fucking myself out of house and home taking 50% of what I was *just barely* scraping by on before.

Oh, and by the way? YOU asked ME to be an independent contractor. Not the other way around. That means I'm not your goddamn employee. You are my client, and I'm about to fire you. But it's okay, because you don't really need me. *You're* the face of your company. There are certain things Mommy can't do for you, if you want any credibility at all in this industry. It's time to fly, little birdie.



Oct. 21st: 5 in the fucking morning: I sent my re-written draft to him that I stayed up all night fixing like a good little copyeditor and all but threatened him at the end that he better grow a pair and take it from here.

Politely.


Hey look, an entire post, not even about sex at all!
You two lonely readers (I flatter myself) and that one forlorn cricket in the corner are all shocked, I know.
I don't normally put this shite here, I just … fuck. man.
Had to let it out somewhere private.