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the other night we came home and I was freezing. Got in bed, and I was still freezing. He gathered me up in his arms to spoon me (ahhh), and took my hand in one of his, and cupped my (cold!) breast with his other hand (to warm me up, of course, lol) and even snuggled his crotch against my cold hiney, lol. He is like a freakin' space heater, so this was lovely for me, but I'm sure it was not fun for him, and he did it anyway. I was surprised and moved by the gesture, but I determined to at least keep my painfully-cold, icy feet off of him- I am not one of those chicks who thinks it's funny to freak out my partner under the covers with cold feet. But he sought out my feet with his, and I winced a little bit and pulled them away and told him it was okay, he didn't have to do that, it was my intention to not freeze him to death.
He did not say anything but defiantly snuggled me closer and made sure to bring his toasty toes right up under mine, the tops of his warm feet lined under the freezing soles of mine, and nuzzled his face into my neck as if to say, I don't care, I'm here to warm you up, girl.
And he just held me like that until my whole body temperature was warm & regulated.
Yesterday morning, I was getting dressed and running around in a sweatshirt and undies. He stopped for a moment and stared thoughtfully at my ass.
"You are losing weight," he said. "Oh?" I replied with a smile. "That's a good thing, right? I mean I wanna be fit..."
"Fit is good. Just... don't get all twiggy on me okay? I like real women, not 12 year old boys." He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me and pressed up against my bum and wiggled his hips suggestively. We both laughed.
"Don't worry, I don't think I'm in any genetic danger of that," I said. He grinned and squeezed me.
This is noteworthy because... like I said, he isn't real flowery with the language. And I know he's better-looking than me, in terms of general human attractiveness. (My god. sometimes I can't stop staring, and when I call him "handsome" I think he thinks I'm just being cute, but I'm... dead serious, and I don't feel that way about many men. He is _so_ handsome to me.)
However. It's really powerful to hear appreciative comments from his mouth. I started to think maybe he's not just putting up with it, but that he actually... likes it? maybe?
(I don't ever assume I'm beautiful to anyone, even him really, but I figure the sexual attraction is definitely there, and at a certain point sexual attraction is chemical and psychological and emotional and spiritual, so the physical isn't even the most necessary part, and I'm not going to deny myself or my partner any shred of enjoyment we might experience in our brief lives by obsessing over my lack of confidence in my looks. Yep, insecurities- I have them in spades. I just keep them locked the fuck away because they're an annoying hindrance. I just do the best I can with what I've got to work with, and then at a certain point, I have to assume if there is a human being making love to my naked body, that means they either are horny enough or loving enough to look past it, so it's time for me to do the same and just get on with the fun.)
Basically, my point is, he makes me feel so warm and loved... I want to...I want... to keep him, can I? I know I don't deserve this and I know I went into this thinking, it's okay- it's developing super-fast and it's the first relationship after divorce for both of us and statistically speaking rebound relationships are necessary throwaways so I have to accept this may not last, but I'm going to just enjoy it while it does, and be glad I got to experience it at all.
But as time goes on I have to admit it would be really hard to let him go now. I mean sure I'll live- if I didn't literally die of heartbreak after the last one, I think I can survive almost anything now, but... I'm... scarily, finding myself pretty attached to this man. I'm really... pretty deeply smitten. <3
Even in the best case scenario, where we live happily ever after and one of us eventually dies of old age; that's gonna hurt like a sonofabitch.
*sigh*
C'est la vie.
Love is worth it. It's the only thing that is, you know? The only game worth playing on this god-forsaken rock.
He did not say anything but defiantly snuggled me closer and made sure to bring his toasty toes right up under mine, the tops of his warm feet lined under the freezing soles of mine, and nuzzled his face into my neck as if to say, I don't care, I'm here to warm you up, girl.
And he just held me like that until my whole body temperature was warm & regulated.
Yesterday morning, I was getting dressed and running around in a sweatshirt and undies. He stopped for a moment and stared thoughtfully at my ass.
"You are losing weight," he said. "Oh?" I replied with a smile. "That's a good thing, right? I mean I wanna be fit..."
"Fit is good. Just... don't get all twiggy on me okay? I like real women, not 12 year old boys." He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me and pressed up against my bum and wiggled his hips suggestively. We both laughed.
"Don't worry, I don't think I'm in any genetic danger of that," I said. He grinned and squeezed me.
This is noteworthy because... like I said, he isn't real flowery with the language. And I know he's better-looking than me, in terms of general human attractiveness. (My god. sometimes I can't stop staring, and when I call him "handsome" I think he thinks I'm just being cute, but I'm... dead serious, and I don't feel that way about many men. He is _so_ handsome to me.)
However. It's really powerful to hear appreciative comments from his mouth. I started to think maybe he's not just putting up with it, but that he actually... likes it? maybe?
(I don't ever assume I'm beautiful to anyone, even him really, but I figure the sexual attraction is definitely there, and at a certain point sexual attraction is chemical and psychological and emotional and spiritual, so the physical isn't even the most necessary part, and I'm not going to deny myself or my partner any shred of enjoyment we might experience in our brief lives by obsessing over my lack of confidence in my looks. Yep, insecurities- I have them in spades. I just keep them locked the fuck away because they're an annoying hindrance. I just do the best I can with what I've got to work with, and then at a certain point, I have to assume if there is a human being making love to my naked body, that means they either are horny enough or loving enough to look past it, so it's time for me to do the same and just get on with the fun.)
Basically, my point is, he makes me feel so warm and loved... I want to...I want... to keep him, can I? I know I don't deserve this and I know I went into this thinking, it's okay- it's developing super-fast and it's the first relationship after divorce for both of us and statistically speaking rebound relationships are necessary throwaways so I have to accept this may not last, but I'm going to just enjoy it while it does, and be glad I got to experience it at all.
But as time goes on I have to admit it would be really hard to let him go now. I mean sure I'll live- if I didn't literally die of heartbreak after the last one, I think I can survive almost anything now, but... I'm... scarily, finding myself pretty attached to this man. I'm really... pretty deeply smitten. <3
Even in the best case scenario, where we live happily ever after and one of us eventually dies of old age; that's gonna hurt like a sonofabitch.
*sigh*
C'est la vie.
Love is worth it. It's the only thing that is, you know? The only game worth playing on this god-forsaken rock.
