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Jul. 12th, 2012 01:21 pmit sucks that I am still awake right now and feeling like shit but unable to go back to sleep because I have to wake up and hound you to make sure you can get out the door to work AN HOUR LATE. My productivity for the day is fucked and so is my work energy for tonight.
You have got to get your shit together man, or we need to find some other options for you. Possibly a work at home job. Because we are financially struggling because you don't show any desire to actually BE there and be gung ho about it and I'm sure that's affecting how many billable hours are being sent your way. You can't complain to your boss that you don't get any work and then act like you don't give a shit whether you're there to do work or not.
Look I know, neither of us are morning people. I know it's demotivating and unfair to feel like you'll be there doing nothing if you show up early, and that there's never any work so why bother, and it's easy to rationalize that nobody cares whether you're there or not- but in truth, you are being observed. Your attitude plays into the subtle threads of how everyone on the team feels about you, and if you're a team player they feed you, and if you put yourself in the place of the Omega wolf, they starve you. And often this dynamic happens subconsciously. It's not something you can really change by talking to Bob to make him make THEM play fair with you. You earn your own reputation and people around you will react accordingly. I know the total amount of work to be had is still thin. But get yourself a piece, don't sit in the corner and play your phone games and chain smoke and act like you're not vested in the success of the company.
Don't you see it's a vicious cycle you're playing into?
No work to be had 'cause work is thin.
Lack of work = lack of motivation.
Lack of motivation = not a team player (unpopularity at work).
Poor reputation at work = billable hours given to others instead of you.
Lack of work = lack of motivation...
rinse lather repeat. So to break that cycle, the only thing you can do, really, assuming you want to keep this job, is fake your motivation and a try to project a better attitude till your reputation rises so that, what little work there is to assign, some of it gets assigned to you. I don't know if you're already past the point of no return on that, where no matter how hard you try to seem "on your game" now, people's minds are already made up about you, but I'm sure the habitual lateness doesn't help.
And I don't know if this is part of the problem, but I also know what it's like to hate your job and just... not wanna fucking BE there, at all, and not want to drag your ass out of the house to that place again. But the fact is, in the professional world, they don't care. Either you're on your game and you WANT the work, or you're not on your game, and they give the choice assignments to someone else.
My old corporate boss had the same criticism for me in my employee write-up "intervention" because I was habitually late, and oh GOD I hated him for it, because out of all the bullshit he fabricated it was the only criticism he brought up that was actually true, and it stung like salt in an open wound, because I was crying on the way to work every day and I fucking hated that place and it was like death, every day, to be there... couldn't they give me just a little leeway? I worked hard, I always stayed late, I did a good job when I was there, kept my head down, stayed the fuck out of drama, etc., but facing that Giant Ball of Suck first thing in the morning, god, it was just too much to ask of me, you know? It was too much. So yeah my arrival times slid. Because I just... did NOT fucking WANT. Couldn't seem to drag my ass out of the house on time, even though I really tried to pysche myself up about it. I just didn't wanna go.
But... that motherfucker was right. My personal feelings didn't matter. I was being judged by my bosses and coworkers on my professionalism, and it was judged to be lacking, by standards THEY created in THEIR sandbox, and my status at the office suffered for it. I could show up at 9:15 and work till 7pm and be judged a lazy unenthusiastic non-team-player, while they could show up at 8am and leave at fucking 4pm to go play golf and they were just fine.
Sucks. I know.
And if this place has become to you what that other place had become to me, then, that's a whole different talk. That's a... health insurance or not-- ... my love, it's time to stop banging your head against the wall and let's look for something new. I will support you. I cannot willingly sentence anyone to suffering of that order. You will find me surprisingly gentle if this is the case.
But if you think, well, okay, it's not that bad, I've just been staying up too late, then... I don't know what to say except you have got to get your shit together, find a way to balance your video games and your alarm clock. You're a grown man. You know better and you will have no excuse when they eventually let you go because you've been sliding out for a while.
And then what the hell are we going to do?
Honey I am not a gold digger by any means, and I'm not your typical wife nagging about money. I've never expected a free ride from you but I do expect you to contribute to the coverage of household expenses like any standard roommate, at the very very least. But in the 5 years we've lived here, who has made 95% of all rent payments? Usually me, even when I was unemployed, until now, when I've become desperately broke. We have no budget. I don't buy groceries, I've been cooking for 2 months on my apocalypse stash and a lot of times I just don't eat. But I'm working on something, trying to build an entrepreneurial career from the ground up. I may be a fluff headed idiot for trying, and I'm pretty close to giving it all up in frustration now anyway. But at least I have had goals I am working towards and I was willing to put up with being poor while I earned my chops... so this is not about "baby needs a new pair of shoes", this is like, "oh my god do we have to choose between rent and toilet paper again?" You, my dear, have a little bit more power to affect this situation in our home than you think. So use it.
Like, make some decisions about your life, man. It's time to quit punking out on every thing. Face your issues. What do you want to fucking do with the 3, 5, 10, 25 years you have left? Let's get on that shit. Stop wasting time with stupid games and lack of motivation. Don't you want to be on FIRE about something? Don't you want to be passionate about anything? You don't have to be a martyr for me, plodding through daily existence. I don't want you to live as a trapped bird.
But if you are reasonably okay with your job, then, breathe deep, roll your shoulders back, hold your head up high, and go be a fucking awesome professional mechanic because --you fucking ARE. Attack that shit first thing in the morning. And people will recognize your awesomeness, and you might even get enough work flowing your way to afford your cool hobbies.
And yes, I'm already looking for dream crushing "normal" jobs in preparation in case something happens to yours. But it might take a minute for me to shift gears and find something realistic and then actually get hired and make a first paycheck, so...
You have got to get your shit together man, or we need to find some other options for you. Possibly a work at home job. Because we are financially struggling because you don't show any desire to actually BE there and be gung ho about it and I'm sure that's affecting how many billable hours are being sent your way. You can't complain to your boss that you don't get any work and then act like you don't give a shit whether you're there to do work or not.
Look I know, neither of us are morning people. I know it's demotivating and unfair to feel like you'll be there doing nothing if you show up early, and that there's never any work so why bother, and it's easy to rationalize that nobody cares whether you're there or not- but in truth, you are being observed. Your attitude plays into the subtle threads of how everyone on the team feels about you, and if you're a team player they feed you, and if you put yourself in the place of the Omega wolf, they starve you. And often this dynamic happens subconsciously. It's not something you can really change by talking to Bob to make him make THEM play fair with you. You earn your own reputation and people around you will react accordingly. I know the total amount of work to be had is still thin. But get yourself a piece, don't sit in the corner and play your phone games and chain smoke and act like you're not vested in the success of the company.
Don't you see it's a vicious cycle you're playing into?
No work to be had 'cause work is thin.
Lack of work = lack of motivation.
Lack of motivation = not a team player (unpopularity at work).
Poor reputation at work = billable hours given to others instead of you.
Lack of work = lack of motivation...
rinse lather repeat. So to break that cycle, the only thing you can do, really, assuming you want to keep this job, is fake your motivation and a try to project a better attitude till your reputation rises so that, what little work there is to assign, some of it gets assigned to you. I don't know if you're already past the point of no return on that, where no matter how hard you try to seem "on your game" now, people's minds are already made up about you, but I'm sure the habitual lateness doesn't help.
And I don't know if this is part of the problem, but I also know what it's like to hate your job and just... not wanna fucking BE there, at all, and not want to drag your ass out of the house to that place again. But the fact is, in the professional world, they don't care. Either you're on your game and you WANT the work, or you're not on your game, and they give the choice assignments to someone else.
My old corporate boss had the same criticism for me in my employee write-up "intervention" because I was habitually late, and oh GOD I hated him for it, because out of all the bullshit he fabricated it was the only criticism he brought up that was actually true, and it stung like salt in an open wound, because I was crying on the way to work every day and I fucking hated that place and it was like death, every day, to be there... couldn't they give me just a little leeway? I worked hard, I always stayed late, I did a good job when I was there, kept my head down, stayed the fuck out of drama, etc., but facing that Giant Ball of Suck first thing in the morning, god, it was just too much to ask of me, you know? It was too much. So yeah my arrival times slid. Because I just... did NOT fucking WANT. Couldn't seem to drag my ass out of the house on time, even though I really tried to pysche myself up about it. I just didn't wanna go.
But... that motherfucker was right. My personal feelings didn't matter. I was being judged by my bosses and coworkers on my professionalism, and it was judged to be lacking, by standards THEY created in THEIR sandbox, and my status at the office suffered for it. I could show up at 9:15 and work till 7pm and be judged a lazy unenthusiastic non-team-player, while they could show up at 8am and leave at fucking 4pm to go play golf and they were just fine.
Sucks. I know.
And if this place has become to you what that other place had become to me, then, that's a whole different talk. That's a... health insurance or not-- ... my love, it's time to stop banging your head against the wall and let's look for something new. I will support you. I cannot willingly sentence anyone to suffering of that order. You will find me surprisingly gentle if this is the case.
But if you think, well, okay, it's not that bad, I've just been staying up too late, then... I don't know what to say except you have got to get your shit together, find a way to balance your video games and your alarm clock. You're a grown man. You know better and you will have no excuse when they eventually let you go because you've been sliding out for a while.
And then what the hell are we going to do?
Honey I am not a gold digger by any means, and I'm not your typical wife nagging about money. I've never expected a free ride from you but I do expect you to contribute to the coverage of household expenses like any standard roommate, at the very very least. But in the 5 years we've lived here, who has made 95% of all rent payments? Usually me, even when I was unemployed, until now, when I've become desperately broke. We have no budget. I don't buy groceries, I've been cooking for 2 months on my apocalypse stash and a lot of times I just don't eat. But I'm working on something, trying to build an entrepreneurial career from the ground up. I may be a fluff headed idiot for trying, and I'm pretty close to giving it all up in frustration now anyway. But at least I have had goals I am working towards and I was willing to put up with being poor while I earned my chops... so this is not about "baby needs a new pair of shoes", this is like, "oh my god do we have to choose between rent and toilet paper again?" You, my dear, have a little bit more power to affect this situation in our home than you think. So use it.
Like, make some decisions about your life, man. It's time to quit punking out on every thing. Face your issues. What do you want to fucking do with the 3, 5, 10, 25 years you have left? Let's get on that shit. Stop wasting time with stupid games and lack of motivation. Don't you want to be on FIRE about something? Don't you want to be passionate about anything? You don't have to be a martyr for me, plodding through daily existence. I don't want you to live as a trapped bird.
But if you are reasonably okay with your job, then, breathe deep, roll your shoulders back, hold your head up high, and go be a fucking awesome professional mechanic because --you fucking ARE. Attack that shit first thing in the morning. And people will recognize your awesomeness, and you might even get enough work flowing your way to afford your cool hobbies.
And yes, I'm already looking for dream crushing "normal" jobs in preparation in case something happens to yours. But it might take a minute for me to shift gears and find something realistic and then actually get hired and make a first paycheck, so...
