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Apr. 12th, 2011 01:34 pmand then there are the days where you look in the mirror and think, "hey, i might be passable as a human being" but you really walk around scrunched and bound up all day because you have so much inside and you're afraid of exploding your monsterness onto innocent bystanders...
That's most days.
and then there are days when you look in the mirror and go "ugh" but inside you're smiling and you feel sexy- not that you look sexy, it's just a knowing, that you ARE.
Those are rare, the days when you can own it. Be yourself. Accept that you're not good looking, but that you will continue to have that certain je ne sais quoi, and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it. You may not be using it at the moment, but at least it's THERE, waiting, in case you might happen to fall into a parallel universe where you might need to use it.
That's today, which is kind of neat. It's like carrying around a secret, but I'm sure there are some people who are good at reading other people who can read that "secret" on your face just by looking at you. It's less of a secret and more of an ability to let go of insecurities long enough to acknowledge a purer form of yourself- an ability to feel truth, but in a compassionate way- usually my truths are like, "you're fat", "you're butchy" "you're heavy-handed and exhausting to be around" "no one wants to hear your opinions", etc.
But on these rare days, I can also include things like "you're voluptuous and some people find that pretty", "your intensity is attractive", "you're opinionated because you have a good brain in that good head on your shoulders", and "there are people in the world who actually do care about you and want you around".
I wish I could feel like this everyday, more at peace with myself and where I'm at in the acceptable/unacceptable spectrum of human social norms... but they only come once in a blue moon. Usually I'm all teeth and claws, fighting with myself on the inside at any given moment.
Sometimes I wonder if I'd been born in Europe with its more accepting social attitudes toward sensuality, would I be more at peace with myself all the time?
That's most days.
and then there are days when you look in the mirror and go "ugh" but inside you're smiling and you feel sexy- not that you look sexy, it's just a knowing, that you ARE.
Those are rare, the days when you can own it. Be yourself. Accept that you're not good looking, but that you will continue to have that certain je ne sais quoi, and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it. You may not be using it at the moment, but at least it's THERE, waiting, in case you might happen to fall into a parallel universe where you might need to use it.
That's today, which is kind of neat. It's like carrying around a secret, but I'm sure there are some people who are good at reading other people who can read that "secret" on your face just by looking at you. It's less of a secret and more of an ability to let go of insecurities long enough to acknowledge a purer form of yourself- an ability to feel truth, but in a compassionate way- usually my truths are like, "you're fat", "you're butchy" "you're heavy-handed and exhausting to be around" "no one wants to hear your opinions", etc.
But on these rare days, I can also include things like "you're voluptuous and some people find that pretty", "your intensity is attractive", "you're opinionated because you have a good brain in that good head on your shoulders", and "there are people in the world who actually do care about you and want you around".
I wish I could feel like this everyday, more at peace with myself and where I'm at in the acceptable/unacceptable spectrum of human social norms... but they only come once in a blue moon. Usually I'm all teeth and claws, fighting with myself on the inside at any given moment.
Sometimes I wonder if I'd been born in Europe with its more accepting social attitudes toward sensuality, would I be more at peace with myself all the time?
