(no subject)

who am I?

who AM I?


I don't fucking know.

I feel like I'm no one.

I have no "nature". I have no such thing as a "personality".
I'm just the flavor of the day, whatever is required of me at the moment.
There is no expectation of me that I do not strive to meet.
There is no point at which I say "fuck you, that's not who I am".
Push me too far, and I change the line of how far you can push me.
I feel lower than a piece of dirt.
In short, I don't exist.
Except I do, somehow, but I don't even know what "I" means, anymore. I don't know what it is here that is existing, or why there's a point to any of it.

I'm just a weird conglomeration of consciousness and memories trapped in skin that doesn't fit, bound to this plane of existance from moment to moment by a string of worthless desires.

Truly, Siddhartha was right. All Life is suffering.
It is all an illusion, and I suffer because I continue to desire (worthless illusory things), which keeps me existant.
I am so tired of it all.
Fuck Maya, and Fuck Kama, and Fuck Karma.
I just want to release it all. I just want to go home now.